his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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