I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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