My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
