seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
