His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Help me help you realize you are a moron
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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