why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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