chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
