Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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