i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
