Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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