im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
