I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
