God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
