The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
