she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
