My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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