Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
