3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
where does the pee come out of this thing
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
did i just pee glitter
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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