If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
