I just made out with a guy for $7.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
