so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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