No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
