In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
