break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
