It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
