Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
