I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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