i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
