I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
