im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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