Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
