He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
