you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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