I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
