Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
