so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
