I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
