i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
