I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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