I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
