The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
