I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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