Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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