I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
