Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
