Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she woke up with a sticky ear
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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