Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
