Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We left the knife in your bed.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
