i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
