Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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