Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
