we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
