quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
