So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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