It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
