We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
